Ketchup!

Okay so quick resume.

          School started it has been going good I guess. The first days are always a little ... hmmm I guess you could say out of wak! As I write this, I am in the class I fully hate and dislike with every fiber in my body. the professor is very ... loud and annoying she drives me fucking crazy, she always seems to think she is so bright and smart and she thinks she is sexy!! Like dude, I cannot take my eyes off her fat ass because she seems to let it hang all over the place.

The class is marketing, in which well I have come to see is not what I want to study, if you’ve been following this blog you know I am studying international business, I have come to the decision of changing my major and study literature. My true calling and passion. 

Coming to the decision that all business people or at least in the marketing branch think they are smart because they can make a poster or commercial practically to brain wash which is what they think they are doing and sell a product by promising of  making all your dreams come true with that product. In other words the answer to all your problems and prayers is that product. You have to be a dumb ass to believe 1/3 of the bull shit you here in a god damn commercial.

I literally cannot stand her fucking voice.

I am recording her so you can hear the tone that kills me every Monday and Wednesday at 9 am in the morning.

Okay changing back to what has happened; school started it always seems hard at the beginning always a little lost; have to find the way to get back into study mode or school mode.

My birth day was last weekend the one that just past I’ll tell you about that in a next post and my boo or I don’t know what the one that supposedly went to the navy which was a false information, he didn’t really go and has text me for my birthday saying " happy bday babygirl." that was it. Witch really mind fucked me, you all know the feelings I had and well now they are really mixed feelings. What do I do with that?

Okay so what else is happening?... ummm o yeah! The whole reason for this blog, the inner peace I have been searching for.  I’ve been doing really good I think. No explosive moments, no long resentment happening. I have come to learn to prey... not really prey but like more along the lines of acknowledge the fact of his presence and to at least give me the courage to just keep going and to give me serenity, that’s a prayer we do in the groups I assist. It is brief.

 ”God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change courage the thing I can the knowledge to know the difference." 

 It is awesome it really helps me along and it pretty much covers everything. What I have learned with this is that you really do have to look for a power greater then you to come to find peace. I have always said that an insecure person is the one that looks for security in other places. However, the fact is that I am an insecure person.

We will get to all that later in my day I hope I have allot to tell and well little time to do it so here is a resume of what has been happening.

My baby is also walking and learning so much I feel like I have too much on me to give her the attention that I want to. I wish I could just write, read, and be with my baby, but I have to work for that life first. 

I also had a meeting with the sorority and it was one of those were you have to express your feelings on what is going on like “what is it that bothers you about her “etc.etc. and that got interesting, I have to tell you about that for sure, and supposedly we got to good grounds with one another witch we will see how that pans out. Oh! In addition, that they are all going to work... okay if you say so of course you are. 

Nevertheless, as I said I am in class and actually participating in it, I am such a badass multitasker!

So I will get to all of these things later on. 

DEFECT: Change of self-destructive patterns is necessary

TASK: I will choose life and recovery and will take care of myself