Intro...

Hello, I am “Anonymous” I am invisible and yet I seem to become the center of attention. You can call me by “Hollow” today, all depends what personality I am.


Today I guess I am “Hollow” she is the one that really doesn’t give a shit.

This blog is going to be about insecurities codependency; failure and success, fear and balls; how cruel one’s own thoughts can be and the awful truth of mine and how I really am my own worst enemy.

Where can I begin? ... I am a 25 year old, blond, blue eyed, single mother living back at home again with my family for the first time in a long time. My child is a product of my “X” husband rapping me one night thinking he was going to keep me around if he impregnated me. I guess he was wrong; the fucked up part is that he still thinks he has a chance. He is a crack head so I am just going to blame it on the drugs... most of the time. That’s another story we’ll probably get into later on in this blog relationship. I am a college student, I have a good grades and I’m keeping them I’m studying International Business… I am a bad ass . I am also president of my sorority, in other words, I am in charge of stupid bitches that don’t do shit… a bunch of followers that think everything is done like magic, and “why do they think this?” you might ask! It’s because I tend to do it all for them. I have a long distance relationship with a frat boy it’s not easy, especially since I’m no good in serious relationships. I have a small business with my younger sister teaching kids to swim meaning I make “0” dollars. I have a low bullshit tolerance level remember that It means, “I am not a BITCH!” it’s just a reaction to stupid shit. My father is a politician and a very busy man. He thinks he deserves the world and especially, his family to kiss his ass and yet seems to have the time to talk to the world, no time to talk to us. He has no clue who I am he also used to kick my ass. Thinking it would make me stronger witch in fact only made me hate him more. The thing is up until now I’ve been trying to be whatever he wants me to be. Then I went through a rebellious stage, the one where I would definitely get his attention, the DRUG stage! After that, it was back to doing whatever daddy wanted... not anymore. I really couldn't give a shit anymore. This game of being something or someone I'm not is what's KILLING! me. You most likely are thinking that I am a little rich girl that gets everything she wants and has “daddy issues,” and you’re right on the “daddy issue” part… MAJOR! “DADDY ISSUES” What I have I buy from Wal-Mart or steel it from there… So finally yet importantly I am also an ADDICT with multiple personalities and bipolar! In addition, this is what I have to deal with everyday of my life one at a time. Therefore, I’m going to be writing about me witch I think, being the egotistical and honest person I am seems interesting to me.

Who am I? Who really gives a shit?

Well we will find out now.

I am not an active addict, not right now at least… I’ve been in recovery for 18 months I recently relapsed Saturday it was an act of desperation and the only way I knew to grab attention and the only thing it did for me was piss me off because I had to come to agreement and acceptance that I am an addict. But its okay, I learned a lot from it, that is one of my biggest defects I don’t learn unless I get hit really hard. It was about time too. I’ve been suffering.

I use to mutilate myself I would hit myself, cut myself, burn myself etc. I’ve always been suicidal as well and the thing is that I noticed all I want is attention you know?

I’m a very smart girl, very creative, very social one of the popular ones I guess, a real “go-getter”. Whatever you know what I mean. However, there is always another side to things that nobody really gets to see or really understand me; and it is that I HATE and I’m full of HATE and I resent and I have sarcasm issues and I am getting this in the wrong ways. Therefore, I've decided to create this blog, to write it out! What I really feel when I talk to people, when people talk to me, this is more like an inside look of y mind and what goes through it on a daily basis.

What’s going on with me? I can’t stand anyone, and everyone seems stupid and slow but not just regular stupid… like incredibly stupid. I’m feeling depressed I feel like hurting myself and that no one understands me and I really don’t want to explain myself to anyone, I just want to say what I want to say and that’s it. Take it how you want it.

Therefore, you will me my psychologists this is where I’m going to vent and spew all of my crap. Maybe we will learn something, maybe we won’t. These are my blogging sessions.

End of session #1